I first met Kevin when I took his
gender theory class as a graduate student (what we call "queer
theory" when we want to sound like radicals). I had previously
been extremely phobic about critical theory as a general concept, but
I'd taken a class in semiotics the semester before and I was kinda
warming to it. It was a transformative class: one of those things
that really, really influences how you perceive the world. I was
honestly a little intimidated by the intensity of his intellect and,
let's face it, by his being way more handsome than any English
professor has any business being; nonetheless, later when I need a
director for my dissertation, he was the obvious choice. We had some
very heavy theoretical discussions, and O how he put me through the
wringer with regard to my writing, which he perceived--obviously
correctly--was not as clear or focused or scholarly as it needed to
be. There were times when I really seriously thought I wasn't going
to have what it took to do it. But somehow I did, and even if I
didn't follow the sort of academic trajectory that he had, I was
still lastingly grateful. Mine was the first doctoral dissertation
he ever directed, as it happened, but he did not miss a beat.
I wish I'd had more of a relationship
with him, honestly, but there was something about him and about my
general social awkwardness such that that never happened (okay, we
might as well be brutally honest, it was obviously in large part
because I felt self-conscious that I had failed as an academic, and I
didn't want to feel like I was secretly being judged which again I do
because I'm kind of ludicrous). The only subsequent contact I had
with him was requesting letters of recommendation (with which he was
always extremely conscientious). Well, so it goes.
Anyway, I suppose it's probably pretty
obvious where this is going, at least in outline: a year ago or a
little less I learned from another of his students that he'd been
diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor (I did send him a note of general appreciation when I learned the news; no idea if he read it), and today I learned that
he'd died on Thursday. He must've been in his fifties; I don't know
exactly. I know the above photo isn't great, but he was extremely not-online, and it's the only one I could find. Talking about "fairness" when it comes to
things like this isn't very helpful or meaningful, but I can only
record my subjective reaction, which is that BOY is this ever unfair.
Sure it's universal, but the idea that this stupid, random brain
malfunction could silence such a strong voice...goddammit. Don't
really have much to say here; just felt that I shouldn't let this go
by unremarked. Rest in power.
