Ironheart

I feel like Marvel TV shows used to be kind of zeitgesty; everyone was writing think pieces and things about them.  Is that not the case anymore?  It feels like it's not.  I looked for Ironheart (the latest MCU show) on Slate and Salon, which strike me as the two most likely places to find such things, and neither had so much as mentioned it, which seemed telling.  But I feel like maybe it SHOULD have, because good lord.  Okay.  Right.

So the star of this show is Riri Williams, Black teenage girl genius.  She previously appeared in Wakanda Forever.  I would have sworn she was meant to be a Wakandan exchange student, but that may well just have been my brain trying to make sense of them coming for this random student.  I'm not gonna lie: I don't really remember what she did in that movie.  Presumably make robot suits, as that seems to be her big thing.  She's more or less just Tony Stark born into completely different circumstance.  Hey, nothing wrong with that.

Anyway, this is after all that, and the show only occasionally indirectly refers to prior events--which is a little weird, right?  Like they're trying to skirt copyright law, even though that obviously wouldn't be an issue here.  Well, never mind.  As this show opens, she's losing her MIT fellowship, on account of her constantly selling finished projects to other students and refusing to do any coursework.  I mean, fair.  Her deal apparently is that she wants to build robot suits to help people, and I'm REALLY not sure how these are differentiated from Stark robots, but never mind.  It's just background bullshit we're not really meant to think about.

So she's back with her family in Chicago, and she more or less immediately falls in with a criminal group performing heists on various billionaires and like that (don't look for any real ideology here; the show gestures in that direction, but ultimately there really isn't any).  Because she's still fixated with these robots she wants to build, apparently, though that is all VERY much lost in the shuffle.  And I just HAVE to tell you about the first one that they pull off with Riri's help.  There's a Musk-esque billionaire shithead (a gender-swapped version) who wants to turn the Chicago metro into an underground route for cars (you may remember this as an actual plan Musk had, I think for somewhere in California, if you have a good memory for shitheads).  So some slam-bangey stuff occurs, and then this woman is trapped in a car with the leader of the gang, who forces her to sign documents making members of his gang into highly-paid employees and putting them invivisbly onto the company's board.  And...I tell you, I was thinking there was a serious possibility that the show was going to reverse this next episode: nah, that didn't actually, uh, work.  But no.  Later we heard a radio broadcast showing that it IS going forward, even.  And, I mean, we're all sentient adults here, yeah?  I don't need to explain why this would NEVER, EVER work, surely?  Seriously, what's the plan?  We're gonna go to a lawyer with this not-at-all-suspicious document and demand they enforce it?  Well, it's clear that the show didn't even think that far ahead.

So this is what the show is capable of.  I know that might sound like a turn-off.  It DOES have some good stuff, though!  There's a fun sort of frenemy relationship between Riri and this random dude (who naturally turns out to be Marvel-related) which they express mainly by cheerfully blackmailing one another.  So that's good, but then in the end--as seems retrospectively inevitable--it all just devolves into big punches.  There may be an element of this show that is somewhat trapped by convention.

Then again, maybe we should all cheer for convention, because when the show tries something new, we get horrendously misbegotten shit like Natalie.  Jeezus, do I have to talk about this?  I do, if I want to talk about this show at all.  But gawd.  Right, so Natalie was Riri's best friend, but at some point before the show she was killed in a random drive-by shooting.  So that's sad, but then, apparently by accident (not real clear on the specifics), Natalie reappears as an AI hologram, and hoo fucking boy.

So Riri's kind of hesitant at first, but it DOES seem a lot like the real Natalie!  But, of course, in our current context, this differs from what "AI hologram" would've meant in the past.  I mean, think about Rimmer from Red Dwarf: the show does sort of suggest that, oh, this isn't the real guy, it's just a machine thing, but we know perfectly well we're not meant to believe that, and there are no ethical issues to speak of.  But now, AI is such a freighted term.  Everyone has strong feelings about it, and BOY OH BOY does the show fail to meaningfully engage them!  It lurches back and forth, trying to find a position, and then just sort of...doesn't.

So Riri kind of gets used to Natalie, but her MOM, whoa.  When she meets the hologram, she has no reservations WHATSOEVER about this simulacrum of her daughter's dead friend!  It is creepy and inhuman!  But, well.  I still had no idea where this was going; it sure looked to me like it was going to be a thing where the hologram gradually gets weirder until...you know, a horror thing.  And it sure felt like it was going in that direction.  And maybe that's because someone on the writing staff at some point had the idea that maybe it would.  But, no.  It just sort of goes back and forth between Natalie being annoying and Natalie being helpful, and it seemed like I was supposed to like her, but I never found her presence not creepy.  For the record.

Riri has a friend and possible future boyfriend, Xavier, who's Natalie's brother.  And when Xavier meets the hologram, mirabile fuckin' dictu, he reacts like an actual human being: what the fuck is this nightmare shit?  What the hell is wrong with you?  And Riri's half-hearted responses sorta suggest that she takes the force of at least some of what he's saying, but it doesn't really go further than that scene.  And then, holy god, we get a scene where Natalie and Xavier make up, and I swear to god, it sounds like paid programming by an AI company.  If it's not, Disney left some money on the table.  Here's a line: "Having Nat around makes me feel more like myself again. Like she's supposed to be here. And to be honest I don't really want to go back to the way life was without her."  To be clear, there's no indication that we're supposed to find this horrifying or fucked up in any way--and yet, it is.

But then later, after the hologram dies, she does have some line about letting go of the past, so I guess we all learned a valuable lesson here, though I am goddamned if I know what.  Actually, I guess that's not quite how it ends; what happens is that she sells her soul to Mephistopheles to bring the real Natalie back from the dead.  Wait, what?  Yeah, there's a rather jarring lurch here, as Doctor-Strange-style sorcerers become part of the proceedings (look, Marvel, just because these things are all part of your larger cosmology doesn't mean you can just stick them anywhere without them seeming incongruous).  I don't want to go into it, I feel like I've already talked to much about this show, but yes, I am not lying, that IS how the show ends.  And yeah, Sacha Baron Cohen is quite fun in the role, but boy, these guys must be REALLY damned confident of another season or a movie, and I dunno, man.  All these shows keep setting up ALL these unresolved character things that could be continued, and I feel like they've reached the point that they're not physically going to be able to do it.  All these things are getting wildly out of control.  I dunno.  Still kinda fun to watch, though.  Mostly.

The show, oddly enough, has a rotten tomatoes critic rating in the seventies and an audience rating in the forties.  And here's the frustrating thing: I'd say that the latter IS a more accurate representation of the show's quality.  But I'm still not happy about it, because I know goddamn well that a lot of these people are NOT disliking the show for good reasons.  I know you would expect me to say "RACISM!" in a kneejerk way, but instead, why don't I link you to--actually, why don't I just reproduce the current top-rated google review:

Ironheart Fails to Live Up to the Marvel Legacy

Ironheart is not just a misstep—it’s a bewildering detour that cheapens the very foundation the MCU was built on. It doesn’t honor what came before. Instead, it undercuts it.

Let’s address the elephant in the room: the treatment of Tony Stark. Iron Man wasn’t just a rich guy in a suit. He was the soul of the MCU, a flawed genius who clawed his way toward redemption. Reducing his legacy to "he had money" is not only inaccurate—it’s an insult. Tony forged hope out of despair, building his first suit while on death’s door. He evolved, sacrificed, and led. To strip that down to a wallet-size summary is a complete betrayal of his arc and of the fans who followed him for over a decade.

The show, from a narrative perspective, is equally lackluster. Riri Williams is introduced as a prodigy, but we’re told she’s brilliant rather than shown why we should care. Her actions lack weight. Her choices seem impulsive, disconnected, and at times morally questionable—but the writing never challenges her. There’s no growth, no journey, just attitude packaged as character. Rather than a compelling origin tale, we’re left with a series of half-baked scenes stitched together with hollow dialogue.

The pacing is sluggish. The stakes? Virtually nonexistent. Scenes drag on, never quite earning the emotional payoff they reach for. It’s a show that feels padded, unsure of itself, and ultimately forgettable.

Visually, it does little to impress. The CGI passes muster, but not much more. Suit designs look more like action figure prototypes than iconic armor. The action sequences are flat—lacking the creativity, tension, and adrenaline that made earlier MCU entries shine.

What’s most frustrating is that the show constantly puts message before narrative. Every beat feels calculated, like it’s trying to satisfy corporate directives rather than tell a meaningful story. Representation is important—but it has to be meaningful. Here, it feels forced, surface-level, and lacking genuine heart. Instead of building a character we can rally behind, it delivers a checklist.

Worse still, the show leans on harmful stereotypes in an attempt to build tension. Certain portrayals feel dated and even offensive, especially in the way urban environments and Black characters are depicted. That’s not progress—it’s regression.

Ironheart didn’t need to exist in its current form. It doesn’t push the MCU forward. It doesn’t inspire. And it certainly doesn’t entertain. At best, it’s filler. At worst, it’s actively damaging to the Marvel brand. The franchise once stood for bold storytelling and rich character work. Now, it feels like it’s chasing trends with no real direction.

Unless Marvel is willing to recalibrate and remember what made audiences fall in love in the first place, projects like Ironheart will continue to feel like empty content dumps.

This isn’t a story. It’s noise. And it’s not worth your time.

Is it fair-use to copy the entire review?  Well, given that the fucking thing was very obviously "written" by chatGPT, I don't feel very guilty.  I will admit that I was a bit slow on the uptake, and was even sort of trying to argue with aspects of it, until I realize there's nothing to argue with.  As AI-written reviews do, this tells you absolutely nothing about the subject.  That thing about Tony Stark at the beginning is notable, though.  It still doesn't get into specifics, but it's at least pointing at something specific, maybe.

Well, you might think.  I read this before watching the series, and committed myself to looking out for dastardly anti-Stark bias, but nah, man, it's not there.  I suppose there's some subtextual comparisons to Ironman, given that she's basically another version of the character, but people aren't walking around hollering "TONY STARK IS TEZ SUXXORZ," if that's what you're thinking.  No, it's extremely obvious that this person is pissed off because he perceives that a black woman is muscling in on white man's territory.  And the three thousand six hundred eighty-nine people who have liked this worthless, empty review to date feel the same way.  I mean, they couldn't have been responding to anything ELSE there.  They responded to this, though.  Some consciously, some less so, but please don't argue with me.

To show how empty this whole thing is, let's just have chatGPT reverse polarity on that review:

Ironheart Brilliantly Carries On the Marvel Legacy

Ironheart is not just a success—it’s a bold, thrilling continuation that strengthens the very foundation the MCU was built on. It doesn’t just honor what came before. It builds upon it.

Let’s address the heart of the matter: the treatment of Tony Stark. Iron Man wasn’t just a rich guy in a suit. He was the soul of the MCU, a flawed genius who clawed his way toward redemption. Ironheart doesn’t diminish that legacy—it celebrates it. By highlighting Tony’s brilliance, sacrifice, and hope, the show reaffirms his impact while showing how his spirit inspires a new generation. Riri Williams doesn’t replace Tony; she reflects the spark he lit, evolving it into something fresh and powerful. It’s a heartfelt homage that both honors and extends his arc for fans who have followed him for over a decade.

From a narrative perspective, the show is equally impressive. Riri Williams is introduced as a prodigy, and we’re not just told she’s brilliant—we see it through her daring choices, inventive solutions, and bold personality. Her actions carry weight. Her decisions are challenging, risky, and deeply human. This isn’t a static character; it’s a dynamic one, whose growth is evident across the season. Rather than attitude packaged as character, Riri’s story becomes a compelling origin tale, stitched together with sharp dialogue and emotionally resonant beats.

The pacing is deliberate, giving moments room to breathe without ever losing momentum. And the stakes? They feel both personal and global. Scenes build naturally to emotional payoffs that land with real power. It’s a show that knows what it wants to say, delivers with confidence, and leaves a lasting impression.

Visually, it’s a triumph. The CGI not only passes muster—it dazzles. The suit designs are striking, futuristic, and full of personality, immediately iconic in their own right. The action sequences crackle with energy, creativity, and adrenaline, standing shoulder to shoulder with the best the MCU has offered.

What makes the show even more remarkable is how seamlessly it blends narrative with message. Every beat feels purposeful, telling a meaningful story while embracing representation in a way that feels authentic and earned. This isn’t box-ticking; it’s heart-driven storytelling. Ironheart gives us a new kind of hero we can rally behind, expanding the Marvel universe in ways that feel vital and fresh.

Even more, the show portrays urban environments and Black characters with depth, respect, and vibrancy. It pushes past old stereotypes, offering progressive depictions that feel long overdue in the superhero genre. This isn’t regression—it’s a bold step forward.

Ironheart absolutely needed to exist in this form. It pushes the MCU forward. It inspires. And it entertains at every turn. At best, it feels like a landmark. At worst, it still raises the bar. The franchise has always stood for bold storytelling and rich character work, and Ironheart proves that tradition is alive and well.

By remembering what made audiences fall in love in the first place—while taking risks to explore new directions—Marvel has delivered a series that feels anything but empty.

This isn’t just a story. It’s a triumph. And it deserves your time.

Truly, a thing of beauty.

Anyway, three out of ten, I guess, but NOT FOR RACIST REASONS, you fuckheads!

Oh, one last thing, because I just can't stop: okay, so he used AI.  Whatever.  But surely for the part he actually cared about--black woman supplants white man--he would've wanted to write it himself, surely? Get that catharsis out. I dunno; is the problem that there wasn't really much of anything he could point to, and he didn't want to confront that? Hmm.

Agatha All Along

 I've been watching a bunch of Marvel TV shows lately.  I'm not proud of that fact, but it is what it is.  I'd always liked MCU movies, but somehow the shows felt like too much work.  Well, now--perhaps in an effort to distract myself from The Horror--I'm delving into them, perhaps TOO much.  Maybe I'll say more later.  Some of them are pretty good!  But right now, I just want to talk about goddamn Agatha All Along, a terrible show that sucks but has both critic and audience ratings in the eighties on rotten tomatoes.  I hate it when people insist on having objectively bad opinions like that.

Okay, so before I can talk about AAA, I have to briefly talk about Wandavision, I suppose, which also sucked, in spite of a level of artfulness that eludes its spinoff.  The basic problem was, Wanda was absolutely fucking awful--trapping thousands of people in what is explicitly characterized as a fate worse than death so she can live out her dumb sitcom fantasy.  And she's just SO self-absorbed, and SO self-righteous about her shittiness.  But we're supposed to sympathize with her, because her brother and her husband died, and at the end she did the bare minimum to make things as close to right as possible.

Agatha was, I suppose, the antagonist there, playing Wanda's comic sitcom neighbor.  But she's secretly a witch!  And I've gotta say, when she got the upper hand on Wanda, it felt SO cathartic.  Because okay, fine, she's a villain, she wants to take Wanda's powers, whatever, but did she cast a whole town of people into a living death?  I submit to the court that she did not.  And yet then, at the end, we're apparently suppose to be happy that Wanda consigns her to that same fate.  I don't know how it's possible for a writer to so misread their characters, but here we are.

That, at any rate, was why I was at any rate eager to see Agatha All Along--because I wanted the character to get a better deal.  But...well.

As AAA opens, Agatha is still under the curse Wanda put on her at the end of WV, only not quite--not that I care about this that much, but it doesn't feel like I'm nitpicking too badly if I point out that the form she was trapped in at the end of the earlier show was a bubbly, nosey-neighbor type.  Whereas here, she's nothing like that; she's a hardboiled detective in what feels like a miserabilist Scandinavian crime drama (and unlike Wandavision's sitcom pastiches, there is ZERO reason why this should be structured as a TV show).  Why would you just change that?  Is this the same character?  Well, she gets out of her trap thanks to this teenage kid known only as Teen in the first part of the show (look at me, I'm avoiding spoilers!), and then we start on the show's quest, which is to go down this nebulously-defined "Witches' Road," a strange and deadly place where you can get what you want if you get to the end, apparently (I kept thinking it seemed a bit like a Zone in Roadside Picnic, but that's neither here nor there).

First, she has to get a 'coven'--this is a witch show!--so we get a rather hackneyed series of scenes where she recruits other witches, generally in the "join us!" "never!" "come on!" "no way" [fifteen minutes later] "oh, okay, fine."  So we have these extremely poorly-defined characters going on this extremely poorly-defined quest.  The only one of them who really seems promising is Kitty Forman (reprising her role of a few episodes in WV) as a woman who doesn't appear to actually have witch powers or know anything about what's going on but is just kind of tagging along with the others in a bewildered way, and you think, okay, THIS could go somewhere super-interesting...but nah, she's just the first to be killed off, quite unceremoniously, she didn't have any meaning.  It feels like a joke without a punchline.

But anyway, the others scuffle around a bunch.  There is A LOT of bickering in this show, and not fun, MCU-style banter.  Mostly just people yelling at one another over things that you may or may not understand.  But the real problem here is Agatha herself.  I think the show might be trying to make her seem complex, but it more or less settles for muddled, as she's portrayed as a good or bad guy according to the whims of the writers--until the end, when it's established extremely clearly that she's a very, very bad guy--we see a montage sequence of her murdering other witches she's established a coven with by provoking them into attacking her (because she needs them to do that for her to steal their powers), and turning them into wizened corpses.  It's pretty bad...but also--this fucking drives me NUTS--we are STILL supposed to sympathize with her, to some degree, because she's sad that her young son died.  In 1756, I might add.  And then the ending just fucking assaults us with stupidity: Agatha, along with all the others, is dead, only for some goddamn reason, she comes back as a ghost, and Teen tries to exorcise her--as well one might--only then for some incomprehensible reason he decides to spare her and they go off together for further adventures.  Teen and Malevolent Spirit.  A future spinoff that nobody needs or wants!  What the FUCK is this?  Who was this meant to satisfy?  

It's also a little, I dunno, on-the-nose that we see here the exact same fatal flaw that Wandavision had: wildly unsympathetic characters that we're meant to sorta-kinda like anyway because of personal trauma in their pasts.  Okay, fine, hurt people hurt people, but that doesn't make them likable solely by virtue of having been hurt.  I mean, I suppose they had little reason to change course after Wandavision, given that it's still very well-liked in spite of sucking, but it's still a LITTLE dispiriting...and yet everyone likes it!  I hate to cast sweeping judgments based on very little evidence, oh okay I don't hate it that much, so you might have other reasons for liking these shows, and if so cool, but if you like either of the title characters--which we are supposed to!--I think you might have some sort of personality defect.  Sorry not sorry.

Okay, in fairness, there ARE a few things I liked about it, as follows:

-On a pure craft level, I appreciated how in the last episode the show circles back to the coven scene, when they're all singing together, and makes it clear that she was just trying to provoke them to steal their powers, as she'd done so many times before, only she was interrupted.  And I REALLY don't think this would actually work; you say something dickish and all of them just immediately attack you at the same time?  Come on.  Okay, I guess I half-liked this.

-"Down the Witches' Road," the song that repeats in several versions throughout the show, is an absolute banger.  I wasn't convinced at first (probably because I'm somewhat snobbish about folk music), but it won me over.  Look it up.

-Some people praise the show because of the portrayal of Teen--a gay Jewish teenager.  And I'll grant you that--in the one episode that delves into his past--he's quite well-written.  But by the end of the show, who even knows WHAT he is.  Not interesting, that's for sure.

-Aubrey Plaza as Death, spoiler.  She's really great in the role, and I want to see more of her.

-Okay, one of the coven members survives: the African American one, who escapes to the surface, tastes freedom, and joyfully zooms away.  And no, she wasn't much of a character or anything, but she's the only one who successfully managed to escape this shitshow, so good on her.

Something that needs to be said

 I can't even TELL you how little I ever wanted to think about Charlie fucking Kirk as much as I'm being forced to now. There's no way I would ever have said anything nice about him after his death, because there's nothing nice to say, but I probably would have limited myself to something like "no one deserves to be randomly murdered, but he both lived and died by the sword, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯."

And that's still basically how I feel. However, due to their hysterical efforts to censor and destroy anyone not issuing encomia to this absolute fucking dipshit, I really, seriously--there is nothing ironic in this post--think it's my duty to talk about Kirk in a way that would really piss them off.

Obviously, I'm small-time. There's very little danger that anything I say here would be seen and seized upon by the fascists. Not NO danger, though, and I have to admit: there's a part of me that feels like, whoa, let's cool off here and not say anything TOO provocative. What if a future potential employer sees it and I lose out on an opportunity? What then?

And then I think, no, FUCK that. I'm not goddamn preemptively surrendering to these fuckers. Fuck them. They don't want me to say this? Fuck them; I'm saying it. I think EVERY non-fascist with any kind of online presence should be saying these things, so here it is:

Charlie Kirk was a real shit dude, and it's funny as hell that he was randomly murdered. The only way it could've been more hilarious would've been for the video of his horrible death to include wacky sound effects. I just wish JD Vance had been there and the rad-ass killer had gotten both of them.

There, is that good enough? I'm not gonna lie: I feel legitimately uncomfortable putting these words out there. But that's the reason I need to do it, isn't it? Pretty perverse that the fascists' efforts are the reason it's important to say things like this.