Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Commercials we hate: a continuing series

I say "continuing," but it's quite probable that all old entries in the series are either on my old website, were on my old website until it went screwy, or else I actually wrote about them in my journal, rather than putting them up for public consumption. But never mind that.

Today's example is this completely awful dairy queen commercial for some new milkshakish drink where this woman's being wracked with paroxysms of grief because her cat, "Muffin," just died. She is also holding a mostly-empty cup that had contained the new drink. So her boyfriend(?) then shows up to comfort her, and she throws her arms around him.

And Mr. Boyfriend starts with the there there, don't cry thing, but all the time what he's REALLY concentrating on is trying to surreptitiously get his mouth around the straw of her drink.

I think we can all agree: what a complete fucking asshole. I hope she dumps him in the most painful, humiliating way possible. And then, while he's reeling from that, I hope he's violently castrated in a freak leaf blower accident. And then...oh, never mind. I reckon that'll be enough to get him to start seriously pondering issues of karmic retribution. Attention, Dairy Queen: this does not fill be with the urge to purchase your products. Rather, it makes me want to repeatedly punch you in the face.

Yes, I've lost pets before, and yes, it hurts like a bitch. But I don't think you would even need to have experienced this to realize what a dickface Mr. BF is being in this ad: just a minimal degree of empathic capability. I suspect that you are either so strung out on cocaine that you've lost this capability, or you're just naturally so stunted that you really can't even begin to understand the problem here. That view is supported by the woman's dialogue: "He was so cute," she sobs. "He was so cute?" Seriously, man: this is not a reaction that a normal human being would have to the loss of a beloved cat. And if I have to explain why, you're probably too emotionally crippled to understand. How much did this writer get paid?


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