Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Annals of terrible comic strips

So I know complaining against shambling undead comic strips like Shoe is like shooting fish in a special fish-restraining device with a high-powered rifle constantly trained directly at them at point-blank range, but this past Sunday's Shoe demands comment.

You can just SEE them straining, can't you, to try to get through an entire Sunday comic to their weakass pun? I've taken to reading these zombie comics backwards, to see how long it takes to figure out what the joke was, and here we have a record: ONE PANEL: "The Jolly Green Giant's son is allegedly addicted to internet corn." Just read that, and you'll get all you're going to get out of this comic. So what the screaming blue FUCK did we need all the build-up for? Because Cassatt, Brookins, and MacNelly are BIG FAT HACKS, is why. Would it be superfluous of me to point out that...sigh..."internet corn" is not actually illegal, making the whole thing even MORE stupid? One imagines that they were shooting for "child corn," but that that was not considered appropriate for the comics page. But THIS crime against humor was? In either case, it would, if any actual children read Shoe, lead them to ask "daddy, what's so bad about corn?" so you wouldn't be PROTECTING anyone by changing "child" to "internet," although you might be the catalyst for a whole lifetime of sexual neurosis. But since NO CHILDREN READ SHOE, the change is even MORE bootless, and "child corn" would at least be logical, at least within the context of the deeply anti-logical world of Shoe. Or hell, what do I know--perhaps the authors of this monstrosity haven't a clue on god's green earth about ANYTHING, and imagine that internet pornography--or perhaps pornography in general--IS illegal. Or maybe they were just operating under the common assumption that any reference to technology they only vaguely understand is hip/cutting edge/a laff riot. But that might be overthinking it; perhaps we should just stick with the most obvious answer: that the world of Shoe is a nightmarish dystopia where any nonsensical, credulity-straining bullshit makes PERFECT SENSE, as long as you can get a stupid, terrible, lazy pun that nobody in the entire world will ever ever EVER find funny or charming or even SLIGHTLY amusing in ANY WAY out of it.

Do these people find their work fulfilling, I wonder?


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