Saturday, September 28, 2013

Breaking Bad life/death predictions

Feeling kind of sick and nervous awaiting tomorrow's Breaking Bad finale.  Ain't no TV show ever made me feel like this before.  So, in a soon-to-be-obsolete move, I'm posting my predictions about who survives the finale and who doesn't.  Come back tomorrow at ten-fifteen to mock my utter lack of predictive ability!

Naturally, there are spoilers for previous plot developments after the jump, so don't read it if you don't want spoilers!  But man, if you're not watching the show as it airs and you want to eventually watch it unspoiled, good luck to you.  I'd avoid the internet entirely in the meantime.  Maybe kill all your friends for good measure.

Walt--DIES.  He has to, right?  He's a sick man going after  a buncha heavily-armed neo-nazis (presumably).  Of course, given Gilligan's unpredictability, I suppose it's naive to say that in full confidence; certainly, I don't anticipate a happy ending, but there are some very grim ways the show could end for him without him technically being "dead."  But I'm still saying he's gonna be.

Jesse--LIVES.  Is this just wishful thinking on my part?  Could well be.  And at this point, you could make a good case that death would be a mercy for him.  But the thing is, given that his life, of late especially, has just been this unrelenting cavalcade of horrors, I just can't help feeling that if he's not left with SOME small hope of happiness, the show's just engaging in gratuitous nihilistic sadism, and as grim as it often is, I don't think I'd quite accuse it of that.  So far.  Though of course, the context of his life/death makes a lot of difference…look, the point is, I want him to be okay so badly.  DAMMIT, GILLIGAN, IF YOU KILL JESSE PINKMAN, YOU ARE NOT INVITED TO MY ICE CREAM PARTY.  NO FUDGIE THE CARVEL WHALE FOR YOU!

Skylar--LIVES.  Yes, one can easily imagine her being killed in retribution for whatever horrors Walt visits upon the neo-nazis, but I'm guessing they'll have other things to be concerned with.  It's not a strong feeling, but I'm still going with "lives."  "Lives and goes on to have a pleasant rest-of-life" seems less likely, however.

Flynn--LIVES.  Man, can you imagine the show killing its one totally innocent character (it being kind of a stretch to call Holly a "character")?  Well, yeah, but it seems unlikely.  He could be a casualty of the retributive violence that could, but I don't think will, take out Skylar, but I doubt it.  And man--that would just take "brutal" to another level.

Holly--LIVES.  You know, I don't think even the neo-nazis would be likely to murder an infant…okay, that was probably a naive thing to say, but I don't think they will.  It could happen accidentally, of course, but I'm betting against it happening at all.

Marie--LIVES.  She's not really all that close to the violence that's gonna go down, I'm thinking.  It would have to be very much a wrong-place-wrong-time thing for her to die.  Though the question of whether she can pick up the pieces after Hank's death is…a question.

Saul--LIVES.  Better call Saul--at an Omaha area code.  And with a name other than "Saul."  Unless--contra every indication we've received--it turns out Vacuum Cleaner Guy is really bad at his job, he's gotta be home free (though I suppose you might consider life in Nebraska a kind of living death).  Anything else would be a reeeeeeal stretch.  I expect to get at most a brief glimpse of him doing his Cinabon-managing thing in the finale.  And let's face it, the Better Call Saul spinoff would be kind of a downer if you were always watching it knowing the protagonist was headed for a violent end.

Uncle Jack--DIES.  Nazis.  I hate these guys.  I think he's going to die in a horrifically violent manner.  Once again, partly wishful thinking maybe, but people like him don't seem destined for long lives in any case, and when you have a vengeance-crazed dude with a death wish on your tail, well…

Todd--DIES.  Along with his uncle, in a completely insignificant, ignoble way, as befits his character.  There's no question I'm letting my own ethical sensibilities temper these predictions, but I stand by them.  Fuckin' psychopath.

Lydia--LIVES.  As much as the show kind of made fun of her for her overly cautious attitude--the whole sitting-in-a-coffee-shop-and-refusing-to-face-the person-you're-talking-to thing--it also seems like a survivor's attitude.  I think Lydia will be juuuuust fine, though likely a bit miffed about her newly-compromised distribution network.

Brock--LIVES.  It's probably overly sentimental to imagine Jesse becoming a father-figure to him, but I think the neo-nazis' point was made with Andrea.  I don't think the show is going to repeat itself by killing the kid too.  He's presumably traumatized as shit, however.

Gretchen and Elliot--LIVE.  I actually don't expect them to appear in the finale.  It seemed obvious to me that the interview they gave didn't spur Walt to vengeance against them specifically; it just made him want to reassert himself as Heisenberg.  Then again, they would make good targets for the ricin…in spite of which, I'm sticking with "live."

I guess maybe those were pretty conventional picks, but there you go.  Now let's watch zero percent of them turn out to be right!  What fun!  I'm going to go throw up now.


Blogger GeoX, one of the GeoX boys. pontificated to the effect that...

Well hey, I was wrong about a few incidental things, but only wrong in one of my predictions here (and even that seems like it's slightly debatable--you know what I mean if you've seen it). Go me! Best series finale EVAR? Probably.

12:53 AM  
Blogger GeoX, one of the GeoX boys. pontificated to the effect that...

...and Vince Gilligan not only gets a big slice o' Fudgie, but I'll even let him have the eye. Thanks muchly, sir.

1:19 AM  

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