Sunday, April 10, 2016

Cal Thomas: "Kill them all; God will know his own--and if he doesn't, heck; at least we had fun killing them all!"

You may have noticed that I don't write much about wingnut columnists these days. It's because they're basically all awful in the same ways. Self-evidently, they aren't worth engaging with. All you can do if you want to pretend we live in a decent nation is to ignore them. So why am I addressing this goddamn Cal "Igula" Thomas column? Masochism, I suppose. Also--in spite of everything--a certain incredulousness. You don't hear much about Thomas compared to your wingnut superstars, but holy shit is he ever an evil man. It's a bit difficult to take in, really.

TRIGGER WARNING: actual fucking Cal Thomas quotes after the jump.

Are the increasing incidents of terrorist attacks in Europe the “new normal”? Must Europeans and Americans become resigned to the inevitability of regular jihadist assaults? Must we endure more meaningless bromides about not “overreacting” because we might offend the world’s 1.6 billion Muslims, playing into the hands of terrorists who promote the notion that the “Christian” West is at war with Islam?

Well, Calvin, let me answer your questions with another question: who's "we," paleface? You, of course, are free to cover you ears and shout LA LA LA whenever anyone suggests that DESTROY ALL MUSLIMS is a monstrous thing to say; "we," however, are not required to play along. What's weird is that that last phrase there is a one hundred percent correct summation of the goal of Islamic terrorism. This confuses you for a moment, until you realize that there's an implicit "psssht, yeah right"--or alternately, "who cares?" in the very statement, and you realize that Thomas is waaaaay dumber than my Moroccan students who were easily able to diagnose the problem.

Serious question: has being stupid made Cal "Trops" Thomas evil, or has being evil made him stupid? This is an important philosophical inquiry. My inclination is to go with the latter--his genocidal rage causes him to pretend he doesn't understand really simple, basic points, and he's been pretending so long that it's become the real thing. Scary stuff.

This week in the Washington, D.C., suburb of Lanham, Maryland, President Obama and Turkish President Tayyip Erdogan are expected to open the largest American mosque in the world [holy shit, the whole world?!].


In Northern Virginia there is also a large mosque named Dar al-Hijrah, which some [ah yes, the nefarious "some"] have accused of serving as a Hamas front. It was the home of the terrorist spiritual leader Anwar al-Awlaki, who was accused of mentoring two of the 9-11 hijackers.

What a perfect setup for a jihadist pincer movement on the nation’s capital from Maryland and Virginia.

Here, Thomas dishes up the laffs, and the which-came-first-the-evil-or-the-stupid? question really comes to the forefront, 'cause seriously? A "Jihadist pincer movement," which incidentally is my new band name? THIS kind of pincer movement, do you mean?

Chills me to the very marrow, it does.

Dare I plumb the recesses of his mind and speculate on what in God's name Thomas thinks he's talking about? Would I escape with my sanity intact?

I mean, I'm at a loss. Is he really picturing those perfidious A-rabs storming DC from two sides? What, are they going to overthrow Obama and turn the US into the Muslim States of Jihadia? The army could stop them if they were only coming from ONE direction, but FUCK! North AND south? We are FUCKING DOOMED! Can I imagine the invasion will look something like this?

Seriously, is Cal "Cabrina" Thomas a fucking six-year-old? Well, no; six-year-olds may be all id, but they aren't generally this malevolent. But he IS a fucking idiot, and an ethical newspaper would be ashamed to give him column space.

It is the same with America’s “rules of engagement” in Afghanistan, Iraq and Syria. Does our restraint hold back the killers? Do we get points from extremists for trying not to kill women and children, when they make no distinction about age or gender while carrying out their heinous acts? Are we converting any of them to our way of life? Hardly. It is more likely they are encouraged by what they regard as our weakness.


I do like the fact that it doesn't even occur to Thomas that maybe we shouldn't indiscriminately slaughter civilians because it's morally monstrous; no, the only important thing is that if we don't, the terrorists might not think we're cool.

If Cal "Lous Disregard for Human Life" Thomas isn't actually a génocidaire, it's certainly not for lack of will. Ya gotta look long and hard at a culture that doesn't merely produce such diseased monsters, but then gives them prominent platforms from which to spread their pathologies.

I suppose the only justice here is that the ugliness of Thomas's soul has spread to his body:

Dude, it's suppose to be the painting that reflects your sin and corruption, not the other way 'round. You should ask for a refund.


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