Thursday, November 25, 2021

I don't think I hit this hard enough in that last post...

...so I just want to emphasize this: I've fantasize about murdering certain people; you can probably guess what sort.  Pretty sure we all have.  But I know myself well enough to realize that, no matter how reprehensible they are and how worthless their existences seem to me, if push came to shove, even if I knew one with one hundred percent certainty that I would get away with it and there would be no unintended political consequences, I would not be able to go through with it--but that if somehow I DID, I would be immediately filled with crushing guilt at the enormity of what I'd done.  I've had nightmares where I've done this and woken up in a cold sweat.  And I don't think this makes me some sort of moral paragon; I kind of think that the only difference between me and most other people in this regard might be that I think more vividly about what my mindset would be like.  Or maybe not; I can't get inside your head.

Or li'l Kyle's.  Who can say what's going in his brain?  Maybe he's had such a catastrophically horrible upbringing and been so deadened by fascist media that he's been able to completely quash any such impulses.  But...I don't know; maybe I'm just na├»ve, but it's difficult to imagine that a kid his age could really be completely spiritually dead.  But if he's not, then he is just going to be fucked up on a level I can't imagine, and all the photo-ops with T**** in the world will not change that.

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