Wednesday, January 12, 2022

Adventures in Civic Duty

 So I had "jury duty" this week, sort of.  I definitely accept this responsibility.  The US really asks precious little of us (aside from, indirectly, WORK WORK WORK UNTIL YOU DIE), and I feel it is not an unreasonable demand.  Plus, maybe a courtroom will be like in an Ace Attorney game!  Think how fun that would be!  Well, but I can't help feeling that there HAS to be a more efficient way to do it than this: there's already a trial in progress, so the hundred or so of us need to just sit there ready to fill in if something happens to one of the jurors.  So we do that for a few hours.  There is no need for a substitute.  And then, BOOM, jury duty over.  Not very exciting.  Although--not to brag--I am told that in a few months I will receive from the county a check for nine dollars.  I'll see you peasants later!  For me, it's up up and away!

Anyway, before I went to the courthouse, I checked google maps to make sure I knew just where it was.  And I saw, hey, the Lycoming County Courthouse has reviews!  Of course it does!  That's normal...in Moonside!  So let's look.  Most of them are just like "great courthouse," but this one stands out:

HMMM!  It is interesting to speculate on how this small-town courthouse could possibly be "violating the Constitution," let alone doing it "constantly."  Honestly, if I had to guess, I'd say that sounds like some sovereign citizen shit.  Who knows what he thinks his Constitutional rights are?  One other thing: it seems a bit condescending to the courthouse employees--most of whom were on the older side--to characterize them as "children."  Come on, man.  They were actually a very friendly lot, I must say.

But I know what YOU want: to know what ol' Harley's other five reviews are of.  Well, you can look for yourself, but his main thing seems to be whether random fast food places Support the Troops: a Pizza Hut on Old Highway 15 is "very professional which is hard to find nowadays," and a Waffle House on Route 98 is "super nice and respectful," but--I am sorry to have to tell you this--a McDonald's on Highway 19 is "disrespectful to veterans."  I personally am having difficulty imagining in what possible way a fast food restaurant could be respectful or disrespectful to veterans.  Those two things seem like elements of completely different equations.  But if I had to guess, I'd say he went into them--possibly wearing one of those veterans' uniforms, probably if I Supported the Troops more I'd know what they were called--and in the McDonald's, the minimum-wage employees couldn't hide their boredom and disinterest in being there, whereas the Pizza Hut and Waffle House managed to conceal their apathy better.  And somehow, he surmised that this was equivalent to veteran respect or disrespect.

So that's all well and good.  But there's one more mystery that needs to be addressed: five of Harley's review are of places in the south, in Florida and Mississippi.  And then there's the Lycoming County Courthouse, and the question must be asked: what the heck was he doing at a small-town county courthouse in northeastern Pennsylvania?  I mean, he's clearly an old guy, so is it really normal for him to be traveling like that?  And what possible legal issues could he have way up there?  Moreover, we can assume he's been there multiple times, seeing as they "constantly" violate the Constitution.  This is extremely fascinating and mysterious.  I googled "Harley Iaccarino" looking for more information, but there's just nothing.  Still, I intend to keep an eye on Harley's google reviews to see if we can get some more tantalizing hints as to what his deal is.  If anything happens, you'll be the first to know.

1 Comments:

Blogger Pan Miluś pontificated to the effect that...

I was always fascinated with United States tradition of Jury Duty. We don't have that in Poland, it's just the judge, so I'll never will get to know this pleasure. Still "12 angry man" is a fantastic movie.

8:06 AM  

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