Fruit of the Day: Pineapple

...the business of eating delicious fruit, that is!

Some people--I would imagine--look at a pineapple and think, oh, what is this? I can't eat this? It has a frightful coating of spikey armor, like an armadillo, or, perhaps more accurately, an ankylosaurus. It's too intimidating for me. Plus, it's a citrus fruit, so it's probably really scary and tangy. Waa! I'm a big fat ugly baby!

Well, I'm here to tell you that these fears are misplaced. It's true that the common pineapple has a suit of armor that you might need a bandsaw to breach. As you no doubt recall, this was a problem in that one Studio Ghibli film, I forget the name, that keeps switching between flashbacks and the present. However, in deference to our soft and weak modern sensibilities, in This Modern World you can buy pre-denuded pineapples in plastic containers. Effete? Surely. And the existence of this convenience probably means that we will be swiftly and brutally crushed when the Aliens Attack (as they are known to do). But unless you have aspirations of Ayn Rand-esque ubermensch-hood (you think Howard Roark buy a pre-shelled pineapple? Hell no!), you might as well revel in our decaying, sybaritic lifestyle.

And once you taste the pineapple--you may be surprised. For far from being intimidatingly tangy, the healthy, ripe pineapple is a deeply pleasing experience--delectably sweet, with only the lightest hint of sharpness to remind you of the fruit's cirtusy, scurvy-averting nature. In fact, I predict that once you start eating your pineapple--you'll have a hard time stopping. And why should you? Like all fruits, pineapples are brimming over with healthful vitamins and minerals, and contain no processed sugar or other additives. So enjoy a pineapple guilt-free today: you'll be glad you did.