Damn, I guess I got skooled.

Don't you love Tinsley's habit of flinging accusations around and then providing extremely vague links that critics are evidently required to sift through or else I win, nyah nyah nhya! Libruls!

So anyway, because we're masochists or summit, we visit the Media blah blah website, run by the extremely whiny Brent Bozell (who, it has been pointed out, resembles both Dr. Zaius and Youppi, the Montreal Expos' mascot).

The first thing we notice is that, for some reason, pulling up this site causes our computer to...go really, really slowly. Dude. Even really dodgy porn sites don't do that. Get your acts together.

Soldiering on...

Currently, the top piece of terrible bias dominating the site is this bit of quasi-literacy:

On Countdown, MSNBC's Keith Olbermann delivered a vitriolic personal attack on Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, inferring he is “not a prophet” but “a quack.”

Yeah, from this one might imply that the Media Whatsit are idiots. But it also reminds me: be sure to check out the segment in question. It's awesome.

Yeah, so anyway, wading even deeper into the mud, I actually was able to find the column to which Tinsley was referring. If you want to see a whole lotta whining about South Park and The DaVinci Code (and who wouldn't?), be sure to check it out. It's certainly demonstrated to *my* satisfaction that Christians today are basically like concentration camp inmates.

Don't say a prayer for me now

Yeah, so I guess this is so duh-inducingly obvious that there's no real point to my saying it, but I'll say it anyway: if "pro-life" groups were really interested in reducing the number of abortions, they would be applauding the morning-after pill being made available over-the-counter, and, in fact, would be pushing for it to be available for minors. The fact that they are instead really pissed off clearly demonstrates--and here I apologize for telling you something you already knew--that what they're really interested in is punishing women for fucking. You know, I could be sort of semi-sympathetic to the "pro-life" cause if it were actually pro-life. But it's not. And it's difficult to be at all sympathetic when all of its most vocal proponents are...well, bad people. It's very frustrating when you hear progressive religious groups talking about the need to engage in "dialogues" with religious conservatives over things like this. That would only be useful if said conservatives were arguing in good faith. Get a clue, guys.

But anyway. The main purpose of this post is to highlight the following excellent quote from the Daily Kent Stater in an article on the subject:

"As far as the age restriction, [Dr. Ray] Leone [chief physician at DeWeese Health Center] said, he does worry about why young teens would need access to such a medication, but he believes they should have the right to purchase it."

Mmm, yes. Why?, indeed. It's a real stumper. So, uh, Dr. Ray, about that medical degree you're claiming to have...well, never mind. Let me explain. It's like this: when a young male teenager and a young female teenager lust after each other very much...

Mallard FilsadfaweW#ERERTE&$*#87h¶•¶§¢£™´∂®ƒ

...I'm sorry; I think my brain just broke. It must be nice to have a job where you get paid for making up random shit about the hypocrisy of imaginary people you don't like.

Random ten: it's back!

You thought I'd forgotten, didn't you? Well all I have to say to that is, more fool you. More. Fool. You.

01. Steeleye Span, “Following Me”
Horrifically cheesy. The fact that it was the eighties is no excuse. Okay as unintentional comedy, but otherwise, man…3/10

02. McCarthy, “Kill Kill Kill Kill”
Yeah, the only reason I ever looked into this band at all was because I liked the Manic Street Preachers’ cover of “We Are All Bourgeois Now.” They’re really pretty minor. Pleasant yet forgettable jangly pop, notwithstanding the revolutionary sensibility. 4/10

03. Gordon Bok, “All My Friends”
Huh. Hadn’t really listened to this before, but it’s quite good, if a touch short of classic. 7/10

04. Salty Dog, “Fogarty’s Cove”
I like this song. And it reminds me of being in Montreal where I heard this band and got this album. So that’s also good. 8/10

05. The Zombies, “Beechwood Park”
Very, very sixties. But not in an insufferable way. Very atmospheric/bittersweet/melancholy; one of the band’s best. 8/10

06. Dust Rhinos, “One More Ale Before We Go”
Sort of sloppily sentimental in a bleary-eyed kind of way. But I like it. 7/10

07. The 101ers, “Motor Boys Motor”
Pre-Clash Joe Strummer! Fast, energetic fun. 7/10

08. Mary Gauthier, “The Ledge”
Driving. Dramatic. Aweseome. 10/10

09. Suede, “Daddy’s Speeding”
Broken glass and teenage boys, trapped in steel and celluloid. As with most of Dog Man Star, this is pretty much a classic. 9/10

10. Meat Loaf, “Good Girls Go to Heaven (bad girls go everywhere)”
I won’t apologize for liking this. Everyone’s music library has a place for some histrionic melodrama, especially when it’s done this well. 8/10

Drive-by duckfucking

This quasi-mythical incident really gets you hard, doesn't it, Bruce? They have drugs for that, you know. You needn't inflict your little fetishes on us.

I love you Kate

I don't have anything else to say. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Whoa...even vitaler Pynchon update!

A brief excerpt. (warning: link to PDF) It seems pretty accessible, though I somehow doubt that that is representative of the whole work. At any rate, it only whets my appetite. As it's meant to. And also goes a long way toward convincing me that the book actually exists, as opposed to just being a sadistic prank by someone at Penguin. The news is tinged with tragedy, however: it's listed here as being only nine hundred ninety-two pages. But I suppose we'll get through the trauma somehow...

VITAL PYNCHON UPDATE

Per Amazon, it's been moved up to November 21. Awesome. I know what I want for my birthday.

I am awesome.

My blog is worth $0.00.
How much is your blog worth?

For the record, I maintain that my blog is worth at least a nickel. Possibly even a dime.

A heartfelt prayer

Oh god, please no.

On the same note: Go John.

Fast, ferocious, and unfair literary judgments: Cormac McCarthy

Sorry, people, but:

All the Pretty Horses is a Boys' Adventure Story tarted up with a leaden and unconvincing use of Faulknerianly florid landscapes and Hemmingwayinly terse dialogue. The protagonist learns about life and love and loss and death and blahdy fucking blah. You people are insane for liking it.

Blood Meridian shows us how ferocious and brutal life is in such a way that we think, hey, this isn't like real life--in spite of its long stretches of tedium real life is, on the whole, much less boring. The closing sentence is sorta classic, but it's sure as hell not worth slogging through three hundred-plus pages to get to. And who are we fooling, kids? The stand-out character, "The Judge," could easily have been created by a misanthropic fifteen-year-old.

Anyway, that's all the McCarthy I've read, because life's too short. Basically, I'm having a hard time thinking of another contemporary author so overrated. I have to admit, though, that the description of his new one, coming this Fall, has me sort of intrigued. It'll probably just turn out to be really annoying (Blood Meridian's description makes it sound interesting too), but I suppose I wouldn't be totally averse to trying just one more.

Guilty Pleasure Confession

I am SO totally psyched about Bat Out of Hell III.

More comics-related fun

I feel obliged to call this to everyone's attention: Roz (who always makes me think of a waitress in a Tom Waits song, incidentally) has apparently been reduced to dating zombies. Or as my brother put it: "she's being romantically pursued by ravening hoards of the undead." Which I think is overstating the case a bit, but nonetheless: most curious. I hope that this is explored in more detail in later strips.

More Mallard Fillmore: because it's both easy and fun.

The racism and misogyny are so de rigeur for Mallard that there's not much point in dwelling on them; what I think would be highly entertaining, however, would be to shove a microphone in Bruce Tinsley's face at some unguarded moment and ask, quick! What's the last DWM-penned book you've read! If I were a betting man, I'd say that it was probably something required by a course. And he probably didn't even particularly like it; he just feels obliged to uphold the status quo because David Horowitz or someone told him he should. I suspect that his literary taste runs more towards the Regnery oeuvre.



You underestimate yourself, Tinsley. I can think of nothing more delightful than hearing you spend a week listing all the teachers you hated. And it's not as though stretching dubious premises far beyond their breaking point isn't what you do.

Important Pynchon Update

I see from Amazon that Against the Day has been upgraded from an anemic nine hundred ninety-two pages to a more robust one thousand forty. Further updates as events warrant.

Suck it, Joe!

You know, I may be a bit cynical about American politics these days (gosh, how did THAT happen?), but that aside, I have to say, seeing that whiny, sanctimonious sack of shit Lieberman get it in the throat--truly, that gives me great joy. Peace be upon you all.

Still here only by the grace of impersonal physical laws

GeoX: I think I’ll drive at excessive speed on this winding, treacherous road.

Gravel: We’re going to fuck up your steering.

GeoX: JESUS CHRIST I’M GOING TO DIE

Car: I think I’ll skid on my side for awhile before completely overturning.

Roof: COLLAPSE

Fender: CRUNCH

Rear Windshield: SHATTER

GeoX: Holy shit I’m completely unscathed.

Seatbelt: If it weren’t for me, you might be paralyzed from the neck down about right now.

GeoX: Yeah yeah. Don’t get smug.

Life: Wow. I'm really fucking precarious.

Somewhat old news, I know...

...but this whole Mel Gibson brouhaha is just too great. Can we point and laugh at the people who tried to claim The Passion wasn't anti-Semitic now?