Sunday, October 22, 2006

It's an outrage!

And you know what's even worse? BIG MEDIA refuses to do a story on, the hot new blogging sensation that's sweeping the nation! It's providing an exciting alternative for people who are tired of blogs that are "popular" and "updated regularly" and "feature cogent, thoughtful analysis." It burns my britches, it does!

Anyway, let us now examine the wildfire-esque group that BIG MEDIA refuses to cover because they're all big fat hypocrites.

The page design could charitably be described as spartan. I know, I know--but I am not a new conservative college group that's spreading like wildfire across the country, am I? ...or am I? I'll let you be the judge of that.

Anyway, we can get a good idea of the oceanic scope of the group from the blurb and picture on the front page. "More than 30 young women gathered on Friday, July 14th on Capitol Hill for the first annual NeW National Conference, entitled "A NeW Generation of Women," we are told. Shit, dude--more than thirty? And they're actually selling themselves short, because if you do a headcount of the picture they've provided, you will find that there are actually thirty-one of them. "More than thirty" is an understatement!

Still, I guess I'm willing to assume--although I'm probably conceding way too much here--that only one percent of the membership could make it to the conference, putting their overall membership at thirty-one hundred. I suppose that qualifies for some value of "wildfire."

You can also see that they're grasping pretty hard for attention with their press listings, inasmuch as these include individual Mallard Fillmore cartoons. And they even have today's, meaning that they likely have volunteers obsessively scouring the internet searching for mentions. I think I deserve some of that sugar--what possible better press could they get than being mentioned in the hot new blogging sensation that's sweeping the nation? I am much more trustigious than Tinsley is. Jeez.

On the "about NEW" page we read:

"NeW was started as a book club. Members meet biweekly to discuss one book each semester. Only a semester after NeW was founded at UVa, some students at the College of William and Mary heard about NeW and started their own NeW chapter."

Once again: shit, dude! A whole book each semester? And these aren't just regular books: they're deeply, complex, sophisticated right-wing polemics. No wonder you're having trouble finding members--no one can keep up with your insane, breakneck pace. Better tone it down a bit, ladies. Check yourselves before you wreck yourselves.

"NeW chapters engage in other activities in addition to meeting as a book club. NeW chapters have hosted speakers and debates to counter The Vagina Monologues. NeW chapters have held movie nights, dinners and parties."

"Counter the vagina." I feel as though I ought to be making some crude joke involving the phrase "cock blocking" here, but I am far beyond such juvenile hijinx. As you know. Seriously, why the obsession with The Vagina Monologues? It was published six years ago (at least--I'm having trouble finding an exact date), for gods' sake. Surely other things have happened since then that you could be outraged about? It's bizarre that it gets its own category, is what I'm really trying to get at. As if it were a cause all by itself. It's as if I were chairing a meeting about left-wing causes, and I opened by saying, "okay, tonight we're going to discuss anti-war efforts, environmental initiatives, and this one time I saw this truck with bumper stickers that totally pissed me off." Which of these does not belong?

Is it just that the word vagina bothers you? Vagina vagina vagina! It's really not a big deal, and you're deeply neurotic for thinking otherwise. Readers with disturbingly long memories may recall that I complained about the play many moons ago on my old page in a naive kind of way, and I imagine if I saw it again I'd still find it problematic on some levels--but jeez. I don't think about it on a daily basis. I am QUITE certain that you think about if far more than any of its fans. Probably more than Eve Ensler herself.

Anyway, that's all for me, 'cause there ain't a whole lot more to say about the enlightened women's rather anemic website. I hope if anyone from BIG MEDIA sees this entry, they will immediately begin preparing a headline story on this website. Otherwise, they are totally TEH BIAS.



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