Monday, July 18, 2005

Speaking of homophobia...

In the latest edition of DC's free gay newspaper, the Washington Blade, we see this charming story: "Minister's fiery anti-gay sermon riles activists."

An influential D.C. minister is under fire by local gay activists following an anti-gay sermon in which he claimed that, “lesbianism is about to take over our community.”

Have you ever seen a community that's been taken over by lesbianism? It ain't a pretty sight, let me tell you: gutted, bombed-out buildings; smoking craters; survivors huddled around burning trash barrels for warmth--it's like Fallout, only with more girl-on-girl action. Speaking of which...

I ain’t homophobic because everybody here got something wrong with him,” he said. “But … women falling down on another woman, strapping yourself up with something, it ain’t real. That thing ain’t got no feeling in it. It ain’t natural.

Huh. You've obviously put some serious thought into this, haven't you, Reverend? With illustrative visual aids even, I'd imagine. Intellectual honesty compels me to admit that I too have spent some time thinking about these things. But afterwards, I generally roll over and go to sleep--I don't pound out hyperventilating sermons in a frenzy of barely-sublimated self-loathing.

“No wonder your behind is bleeding,” he said. “You can’t make no connection with a screw and another screw. The Bible says God made them male and female.”

Guh? Male and female screws? You know, I'd never really contemplated the gender politics of Ikea furniture before. Perhaps someone should write a book on this vital topic. But let's get serious, shall we, Rev? What would you say is causing this extremely alarming problem?

“Sisters making more money than brothers and it’s creating problems in families … that’s one of the reasons many of our women are becoming lesbians,” Wilson said.

Thank you for that trenchant socioeconomic analysis. You know, there is a Supreme Court seat opening up...


Post a Comment

<< Home