Monday, October 05, 2009

An abiding mystery

Microsoft is richer than Croesus (not richer than Scrooge McDuck, however), so why in god's name can't they afford better advertising? That link, of course, is to one of those horrible WIndows 7 ads featuring a four-year-old girl burbling semi-coherently about all the "happy words" about Windows 7 she's been seeing on her dad's computer (dad being some sort of techno-fetishist who should probably clear his cache more often), and the adorable "presentation" that she is making about the deliriously happy happiness of these happy motherfucking words, and CHRIST, I can't even type that without laughing incredulously, because seriously, never mind that the content of these "happy words" amounts to "wow--this sucks a lot less than Vista;" such mendaciousness is only to be expected in advertising.

More troubling: the way the obviousness of the corporate whoredom--and the fact that a small child is being used in this capacity--is accentuated by the fact that four-year-olds don't care about consumer reports on computer software. I mean, I know that seems obvious, and that in some way the ad is meant to be funny-cute, but it's just far too risibly moronic to work on that level.

Most troubling: the fact that Microsoft apparently sees its target audience as brain-damaged toddlers, because seriously--"happy words?" WT FUCK, Microsoft? Are you gonna take us to McDonald's for Hello Kitty Happy Meals after we're done with our Windows? And then when we get home, will you check under our beds for monsters? Kee-rikey! I am just trying and trying to figure out any other way to interpret this ad, and I am not having much luck. And this is kind of a pattern; remember also those bing commercials (update: I have still never used, nor been even slightly tempted to use, bing), which nonetheless were much less egregiously terrible than these W7 spots are.

I guess when you're as big and entrenched as Microsoft you can afford to just dick around like this, but holy fugnation, my mind is just boggled, and it ain't coming unboggled.


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