Thursday, December 29, 2011

Annals of Horrible Douchebags

(Quotes are from this fascinating yet appalling article, which isn't available online to non-subscribers.)

Have you ever thought to yourself, of high-powered college football, "you know, I like the idea of players being encouraged to neglect academics in order to break their bodies in the very slim hopes of becoming NFL players--but the problem is, there aren't enough fourteen-year-olds doing this?" Well, if you have, Horrible Douchebag Ken Halloy has got your back:

"There was this big uproar, about kids being exploited and so forth," Halloy said, of his initial efforts to promote high-school events. "Next thing you know, ESPN's trying to televise the games, using that as a marketing tool, because you've got guys that are in the recruiting business. So they want to put on games that feature top players. And then you had an uproar about that--saying 'ESPN is exploiting blah blah blah blah blah.'" Halloy has the boyish face and the glinting blue eyes of a born salesman. "The beauty of ESPN, for me, is that they can take something seemingly radical and turn it mainstream. That's exactly what happened with high school football. ESPN has mainstreamed it. ESPN can buy anything. Schools are so desperate for money these days they can't say no."

Any rhetoricians out there know the Greek term for refuting an opposing argument via "blah blah blah?" A less-horrible douchebag might have, I dunno, tried to soft-peddle the awfulness a little, but that would have implied the presence of a conscience, however degraded. That's what's great about being a sociopath in America today: there's no need to justify yourself in anything other than financial terms! "Cash-strapped schools will have no choice but to participate in our exploitive scheme! Isn't that great?!?" It sure is, you horrible douchebag. It sure is.

He described his vision of the future, perhaps a decade from now, involving high-school bowl series, with regional post-season games occurring during the week between Christmas and New Year's Day. He was certain that the audience already existed. Offshore-gambling sites had been issuing point spreads for noteworthy high school contests since August. "If Don Bosco played St. Thomas Aquinas on December 23rd or 28th, on national television, those ratings would be as good as the Sun Bowl, in El Paso, Texas," he said. "I don't think there's any question that it's going to happen, and, again, what's going to drive it is money. The high-school associations are going to get their hands in that kitty."

And you know what? The horrible douchebag is almost certainly right! God bless America!


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