Thursday, February 23, 2006

Idle American Idyll

One of my best friends from elementary school was at one point really into Paula Abdul. He was--is--Middle Eastern, and he once noted, by way of rationale, that she was a Muslim (notwithstanding the fact that he himself was never particularly religious). I do not know if this is true, or if he was just basing this on her name (if it IS true, she certainly doesn't telegraph it), but even if it is, I have to say, I'd need a WAY better excuse than that to subject myself to that awfulness. I don't have necessarily have anything against prefabricated pop music per se, even prefabricated pop music aimed at thirteen-year-old girls, but come on: for my taste, it has to be at least minimally catchy. That's where I draw the line. Dammit. All I'm trying to say is: all other things being equal, shouldn't the fact that, in spite of NEVER having released anything with any artistic merit whatsoever, she is a "judge" on American Idol--shouldn't this fact alone cause potential contestants to run screaming? Just asking.

Yes, I am watching American Idol. Not religiously. I wouldn't pass up a social engagement to watch it, nor do I make any conscious effort to avoid scheduling things that would conflict. Most of the time I'm reading or playing my DS during, so I'm not even paying very close attention. And I don't VOTE or anything. God forbid. Still. I'm well aware that these feeble rationalizations are nowhere near enough to exculpate me. At least once the audition part is over, it becomes less overtly cruel. I tuned most of that part out, because jeez, why do you have to be such assholes?

I HATE the way they're trying extra hard to be "clever" this year, with cheesy little gimmicks like when they did that parody movie preview modeled on Brokeback Mountain. Here's a little rule of thumb that may help you out, guys: if you have an idea that you think is clever--it's not. Forget about it.

"This is a singing contest!" we are frequently informed. Uh huh. When they were choosing the final contestants, they had this part where they juxtaposed the results for two young women: a skinny blonde and a kind of zaftig redhead. And if I have you ONE MILLION guesses, I will bet you would STILL be unable to guess which of them got axed.

But seriously, man, I could forgive the pervasive awfulness of Fox if I felt like the music itself had any artistic merit. Some girl the other day performed "Because the Night," which I think we can all agree is just a great pop song. We would not have come to that conclusion based on her performance, however. Not that it was technically bad: just that the whole damn show seems designed to reduce songs to pale, undifferentiated mush. Why am I watching this? Somebody please explain.

Anyway, I'm rooting for the gray-haired guy. I can't imagine him winning, but at least he's sort of different.

UPDATE: Huh. They got rid of "Because the Night" girl. I've gotta say, it's pretty sadistic to force them to sing again after they've been eliminated. Not unlike the Roman practice of forcing slaves to reenact Greek myths as they're being tortured to death. Also: Jesus CHRIST, they're only getting rid of TWO people? I thought it was four. This is going to take fucking FOREVER.

FURTHER UPDATE: No, I'm wrong. They're just doing it kind of weirdly. Carry on.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous pontificated to the effect that...

That was by far the most hilarious thing I've seen written about American Idol. However, I do recall a certain Mr. Inchoatia mocking my taste in celebrity gossip and other pop culture-like things. I think you mocked because you secretly followed it too :P.

I am proud to say I haven't seen a single second of this season's eps. However! Canadian Idol is always good for a laugh just because it's hosted by the son of the former Prime Minister (con, of course) Brian Mulroney. Funny for all the wrong reasons.

4:23 PM  
Blogger GeoX pontificated to the effect that...

Guilty as charged, I'm afraid--I'm afraid my grip on highbrow-ness is extremely tenuous. Still, right now it doesn't go much beyond Idol, and god willing, it will stay that way. And hey, at least I don't read Entertainment Weakly (OMG "weakly" ROTFLMFAOBBQ!!!!11).

2:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous pontificated to the effect that...

hahaha. aren't you full of puns.


hey, at least i don't read People magazine. I have my limits, damn it.

10:11 PM  
Blogger GeoX pontificated to the effect that...

Yeah, I once entered ten puns in a joke contest. Unfortunately, it didn't go so well. How many won, you ask? All together now...

12:25 AM  

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