Friday, July 13, 2007

God hate YOU, and YOU, and YOU, and even YOU, little Timmy!

Westboro Baptist Church isn't just God Hates Fags anymore: it's also God Hates America. No links, for obvious reasons, but you can find it easily enough. Anyway, the point is, they have honest-to-god mp3s up, of "patriotic" songs about how this country fucking sucks and everyone in it should die and go to hell. Includes such smash hits as "Wicked Land of Sodomites" and "This Land Is Fag Land." They're all to the tunes of well-known actual patriotic songs; musically, they ain't much to speak of--the sort of thing you might expect a kindergarten teacher to sing to her class while accompanying herself on the piano, if she were a deranged neo-nazi. Nonetheless, let's go through them, shall we?

1. "Anchors All Gone" ("Anchors Aweigh")
A jaunty little number about how God hates the navy, or something. I'm a little surprised they would use the word "fuck." Best line: "God sinks your battleship, you little wimps." Includes the word "IEDs," as do a surprising number of these little ditties.

2. "Now God Hates America" ("My Country 'tis of Thee")
Kinda what you'd expect. IEDs! "Explosions everywhere!" Uh...if you say so.

3. "We Have a Message" ("Country Roads"--wah??)
Believe it or not, it's not what you'd call a life-affirming message. "Filth and fags, God hates you." The really fucking creepy thing about this is that it features a children's chorus. "Brokeback Mountain," the singer exclaims. "That's nasty!" the children put in. It would be sort of funny if it weren't child abuse.

4. "God Hates America" ("This Land Is Our Land")
"God hates America, land of the fags." What more do you need to know? Mercifully brief.

5. "WBC Pledge of Allegiance" (regular Pledge of Allegiance)
I'll just provide the words, for your edification.
Woman: "You pledge allegiance to the fags who run all of America and to all the filth for which they stand. Feces-eaters, under Satan, disease-spreaders, hating liberty, denying justice to all."
Man: "You pledge allegiance to the flag, knowing God hates America, and all the sin for which she stands. God-haters, under Satan, united in Evil, hating liberty, denying justice, to all."
Woman: "We pledge allegiance only to God and pray he destroys America and all the people in the land. More dead soldiers, more lost limbs, taking vengeance on the disobedient, bringing His justice to all."

6. "This Land Is Fag Land" ("This Land Is Our Land")
Possibly the only good thing about the Westboro Baptist Cult is the way they devalue the word "fag" by overuse. I find this title hilarious, frankly. It's like these people are all eight-year-olds. The song itself is pretty boring.

7. "Wicked Land of Sodomites" ("America the Beautiful")
"O Wicked Land of Sodomites, your World Trade Center's gone." Very uplifting. Also, the following deathless couplet: "O wicked land of sodomites, you've reached the bottom rung/On top of all your filthy deeds, you eat each other's dung" ("that's nasty!" goes the children's chorus).

8. "Semper Fi, Semper Fags" ("Marines' Song")
They don't like the Marines, needless to say. They should use it in commercials; it almost makes ME want to join. IEDs, also.

9. "US Smarmy" ("The Army Goes Marching Along")
Like the next song, the title is extremely forced, like the kind you'd find in the title of a movie parody in Mad Magazine. They hate the army, too. More IEDs.

10. "Toast Guard" ("U.S. Coast Guard Song")
Ha ha..."toast." Okay, guys, we KNOW you hate the US armed forces. Is it REALLY necessary to devote an entire damn song to each branch? It's getting pretty boring. This one DOES feature pirate noises at the end, though.

11. "Air Farce" ("Off You Go")
Yes, clearly it IS necessary. Let it be duly noted, then: Teh Air Force=Teh SuXx0r. All right then.

12. "Filthy Flag" ("It's a Grand Old Flag")
I'm surprised they didn't substitute "fag" for "flag." That's one rhyme they are generally unable to resist. Rest assured, it is made use of in the lyrics.

"More to come soon!" we are assured. A frightening thought. But whatever. I'm done here. This is piercing through my ironic hipster detachment and making me sort of ill.

2 Comments:

Blogger Marcus pontificated to the effect that...

aarrgh... stand fast ye fuckin christer or cross that yonder cowpath iffen ye spy me jib luffin yer way goddam yer fuckin eyes or 'tis be yer last day on earth ye fuckin blighter aarrgh...

9:33 PM  
Blogger Erich pontificated to the effect that...

The question is: Under the draconian laws now in place, would these songs be considered terroristic threats? (And why do I have the feeling that if these messages had originated from an Islamic group's website, the government would swoop down on them with head-spinning speed?)

9:35 PM  

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