Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry War on Christmas

Mind you, it's been a pretty feeble "war" this year: there was the ludicrous AFA anti-petsmart thing (and surely the intern who came up with that half-assed idea was fired--I mean, come ON), a whiny Bill Orally column, and not much else. Last year the local paper was FILLED with letters from concerned, feeble-minded citizens. This year? Jack all. It's almost like the War was never anything more than a cynical, if ineffectual, political ploy. Difficult to believe, I know. Anyway, as my Christmas present to you, please enjoy this actual, honest-to-god letter to the editor about cybernetic, Predator-style deer. The War on Christmas may be petering out, but the non-stop stream of letters we've been seeing lately from affronted hunters is the gift that keeps on giving, and this is the best of the batch. Who knew Rugged Outdoorsmen could be so incredibly whiny?

The "Where are the deer?" question has been answered. The Game Commission says there are plenty of deer on public land; that the reason hunters don't see them is because the hunters don't go deep enough into the woods, don't hunt long enough or at the right times, don't employ proper hunting tactics, etc. etc. blah blah blah.

In other words, they're telling us that we're stupid, lousy, and lazy hunters. But the real reason is that the Game Commission has been highly successful in their goal to improve the deer herd. These deer now have superior traits to the more plentiful deer of yesteryear. The new Game Commission deer is now invisible to the human eye. They don't leave tracks, they don't leave droppings, and the bucks no longer destroy the precious habitat by rubbing trees or making scrapes. They have produced stealthy, or "super" deer.

So what does it take to see and shoot one of these "super" deer – a "super" hunter of course. These are the hunters who agree with the Game Commission only because there still happens to be some of the old "visible" deer where they hunt.

These hunters chastise others, spout the same Game Commission lazy hunter rhetoric, and thus believe themselves to be "super" hunters. Well a word of advice to you "super" hunters – quit bragging and don't let the Game Commission find out where you hunt; they will increase doe tags, create a DMAP area, and you too will soon be hunting "super" deer.

Kim Konyar
Submitted by Virtual Newsroom


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