People Who Must Die: An Ongoing Series: Part Two: Snowblower Owners
Every morning after a big snow shower, there you will hear them: VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM VROOOOOOOOOOOOOGODDAMNOOOOOOOOM ad infinitum, both inflicting horrific noises on would-be sleepers or enjoyers of the snowy morning and spewing god knows how much pollution into the atmosphere--all to move a small amount of snow three feet to the left. Now if you're old and feeble and you absolutely HAVE to have the snow gone for whatever reason, then okay. But, leaving aside the question of need, the fact remains, it's almost ALL perfectly able-bodied people wielding these monstrosities. Who cares about the environment or ANYTHING when I can save a trivial amount of physical exertion to accomplish a task of questionable utility? It's this kind of oblivious, All-American narcissism that truly is emblematic of Why They Hate Us, and With Good Reason. And it is for that reason that snowblower owners must die.
posted by GeoX, one of the GeoX boys. at 9:41 PM
Well, I don't know how big the driveways or the snowfalls are around your area. But it generally takes me at least an hour to shovel a driveway, and that's under favourable circumstances when the snow isn't all wet and heavy. Now, if the snow is there in the early morning, one has to be at work by 8:00. Let's say it takes about half an hour to drive there (more if the snowfall is really heavy). Then, if one were to shovel the snow manually every time, one would have to get up around 5 in the morning to do this, and then trudge to work immediately after. So, all things considered, I'd use the goddamn motherfucking snowblower in that situation. It's true, the pollution is deplorable, but I mean, wouldn't you do the same in that case?
I don't know, but I think one will have to deal with the snowblower problem after one builds a socialist paradise (thus eliminating the above concerns), rather than before.
- SK
There may be extenuating circumstances, but the fact is, this was Sunday morning. Roads were clear, snow had stopped, dude didn't have to be anywhere. I strongly suspect that this is the case more often than not and that, furthermore, there are very often the same people who use leafblowers, for the use of which there is absolutely NO earthly justification for anyone anywhere ever.