In the future, we will all have the duty of introducing corporate mascots.

Saw this article in the paper--"Reading with Ronald," in which Ronald flippin' McDonald comes to a school to teach kids about how reading is funduhmental.  My initial question: shouldn't even a small-town newspaper be able to find reporters who don't write sentences like "Upon further questioning, it was found that Aidan was the name of the main character of the book, and mirrored the life of McGinley's?"  Really now.  But that's of secondary concern in this case, 'cause dude, how fucked up is it that public schools are apparently now sponsored by fucking McDonalds?  Probably slightly less fucked up than the fact that this is apparently considered so normal that the reporter didn't even think to comment on it in any way, but still.  I know I'd be plenty pissed off if my kids were being subjected to such a thing.  Welp, what with our republican overlords being determined that all public spending ('cept fer death machines--those are non-negotiable) must be eliminated in favor of the fabulously wealthy being allowed to pay no taxes, I guess this is probably the wave of the future, so better get used to it!

However, it pleases me to imagine that whoever chose which photo would accompany this article was engaged in a little bit of pushback, 'cause seriously, look at this thing.

"Drunk, belligerent clown harangues child," the caption should but doesn't say.  Also note how he's holding his hand in such a way as to indicate "you fucking with me, kid?"  And what the caption does say--as you'll see if you click over--is "Ronald McDonald tells Brock Minier, kindergartener, exactly what to say as he gets the special duty of introducing Ward L. Myers Elementary School’s special guest."  Exactly what to say.  Ronald McDonald will brook no disobedience.