The Spike & Crusher Show

So a few Summers ago I was studying French intensively at Middlebury College. Not such a fantastic experience, but one thing that was amusing was the trays in the cafeteria: it was rather easy to etch things into them with a fork, and at some point, two individuals (we presume) named "Spike" and "Crusher" had written various back-and-forth dueling attacks on, I swear, virtually every damn tray. Other people obviously got involved at some point; it wasn't just the two of them. But regardless: at some point, I started jotting them down, and then I totally forgot about it until today, when, whilst cleaning out some things, I found the notebook where I'd written them. So anyway, here they are.

Crusher feeds the animals.

Spike & Crusher don't get PE Credit.

Crusher thought Dean had a chance.

Spike is corporate America.

Crusher is good enough for government work.

Spike hates on his girlfriend's dad.

Crusher can't speak English.

Budtz [?--a non-canonical entry, clearly] doesn't spray the waffle iron.

Spike works at the 5th largest container port.

Spike forgets his flair.

Spike skips tourneys because of "too much work."

Crusher says you can't spell crap without rap.

Spike is a terminal preppie.

Crusher hates American family farmers.

Crusher only tips five percent.

Spike tries to steal me lucky charms.

Crusher goes cuckoo for cocoa puffs.

Spike is the man who sold the world.

Crusher bought it on ebay.

Crusher smoked himself retarded.

Spike fears the dank forest.