Sunday, January 18, 2009

If you buy the wrong truck, Howie Long will call you a homosexual.

Such, at any rate, is the inspiring message behind these Chevrolet commercials. The economy really must be tanking--you can smell the desperation. The idea of not only insulting your competitors but actually spewing hostility at the viewer is actually something I don't think I've seen before. Very novel. I'm surprised the Republican party didn't come up with something along those lines first, though--"only fags vote Democrat" seems like a natural.

On the ad where Howie contemptuously informs the guy that his "man-step" is down: uh huh. I have to say, I think the effort to instill in the viewer the idea that steps are somehow suspiciously effeminate and probably European to boot is doomed to failure. Because what the fuck is so offensive about a step? That's a question that I think even the most testosterone-addled troglodyte is going to be capable of asking.

On the ad where Howie effortlessly breaks through the guy's masculine fa├žade: sorry, but NO. A "trucker" is a guy with a big rig who carries goods across the country. I know you badly want to create the impression that your stupid little pick-up trucks are being used to do some sort of indeterminate hauling work, but let's be serious for a moment. ANYONE claiming to be a "trucker" because he has a pickup truck is a big, fat poseur, and that includes you, Howie. Now please go away.

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous pontificated to the effect that...

Would be fun to see you say to Howie Long's face what you say to him on this pathetic post. Tough guy sitting at the keyboard, right GeoX...

12:07 AM  
Blogger GeoX pontificated to the effect that...

Yes, I'm sure Howie Long would beat me up. Because what public figure WOULDN'T want to face embarrassing criminal and civic charges, permanently have his reputation tarred, and nevermore get to appear in asinine truck ads?

Seriously--are you twelve years old? You certainly are mentally, but if you also are physically, I suppose I'll have to give you a pass. Otherwise, I have to conclude that you're just unbelievably stupid.

4:56 PM  
Blogger rewinn pontificated to the effect that...

What's really funny is that Anonymous is so cowardly that he post anonymously.

Man up dude! Get a logon, stand behind your words.

Or be mocked. Who cares?

BTW GeoX thanks for the link, I enjoyed the video. When it comes to pickup trucks used for anything but work, the ladies say: Big Truck Small Penis.

11:51 AM  
Blogger rewinn pontificated to the effect that...

BTW did anyone notice that Long uses his pickup to "haul" one bag of mulch?

He could've carried that in a Cooper Mini, but needed the (estimated) three-quarter-ton vehicle to help with his penis problem.

At least the fat Ford driver had a load requiring a sizable vehicle, although he loaded it stupidly.

11:56 AM  
Blogger GeoX pontificated to the effect that...

There's a Tom the Dancing Bug cartoon I liked where there's a scene of a kid in the locker room with everyone pointing and laughing, one of him in bed with a woman who's pointing and laughing, and one other that I forget. Fed up, he goes out and buys a bigass SUV, and then as he's driving along everyone's laughing at him, with the slogan "Ford Explorer [or something]: Now, everyone will know."

And yeah, it seems pretty odd that the dude can't even summon the gumption to register a pseudonym. It ain't as though it's a huge commitment to make.

10:50 PM  
Blogger Kaitlyn pontificated to the effect that...

Am I the only one who thinks the "man step" is actually pretty cool?

Especially as the "truckers" get older, and their knees maybe can't handle jumping straight down onto concrete all time. Mine can, but I'm a wimpy girly girl sometimes, and the jolt gives me pauses and makes me look for other ways down. (My mom has a wimpy 02 Toyota Tundra, the better to go camping with, not that we camped "right," as I'm sure I'll learn in some ad.)

I vaguely remember the ad where the company with the step first showed. All the actors lurved it, as is their wont. And it seemed pretty nice.

10:23 AM  
Blogger rewinn pontificated to the effect that...

"...the "man step" is actually pretty cool?"

Heck, yeah!

If you're REALLY using a truck of a big size because you need to, then adaptive technologies like the "man step" just show you're working harder. After all, why is Howie using a truck AT ALL? Wouldn't a REAL MAN haul his mulch just slug over his shoulder?

My mother, under 5-foot-2, would sometimes do census work in Alaska. They'd issue her a 4-wheel drive, and this was when the only such available had tires almost as big as she was (...I exaggerate but not much...). You'd better believe she demanded a model with a running board, because it was either that or a stepladder.

The 'man step' sneer makes sense only as a sneer, meaning, it doesn't have to make any literal sense at all.

5:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous pontificated to the effect that...

I used to like Howie Long, but he has become a complete box head buffoon. Go away bailout Howie. You suck. You're making a fool of yourself.

10:01 PM  

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